one drop rule

And I am going about my life, and here we go, and all of that. I make statements. They sound convincing; they feel convicted. Look at me: I'm moving, moving...already moved on.

Just a drop, just one: a full-throated swig. It could be anything: wine, beer, whiskey. Just one drop and I begin an internal dialogue that no church marm could shush. One drop and I'm lost; no loud and proud chorus to bring me back to the fold. Oh, you...everything about you. Every little step is one I swore I wouldn't take.

Look, I tried. My honesty was better than my sincerity. It feels like pop lyrics in my head, like pop rocks in my heart. I don't want it, this explosion. I don't want to admit this liquid defeat. I'm going down with this ship.