17.4.13

upon waking

A couple of mornings ago I was awoken by one of my children calling for me. I had been in the middle of a dream, but I was aware of the fact of my dreaming. When the little voice penetrated into my awareness within the dream, I said with a sigh, "that's fine, I am tired of this dream anyway." Immediately I was fully awake and I jumped out of bed easily (I hate getting up, easily is never a word I would use to describe getting up on a typical morning). I was grateful for the interruption.

Everything about me lately is encapsulated in that tired sigh, that feeling of being done with this, that desire for something to penetrate into one kind of lucidity and break it up by introducing another, stronger clarity. I want to leap out of this bed, and yet, I also want to stay asleep, unconscious, as long as possible. I can only face this kind of fatigue through a haze of one kind or another.